Posts

Surprise 6-12-24

 Surprise  I have always feared a surprise. Where do I get a disguise. I hide in plain site  I find joy in knowing I’m alright  I see the world in pink shades The tint makes my shadow shine and fade. You bring courage and adventure. I see love and character. I see the man who says yes to crazy ideas I see the man who loves and hates my crazy house I see the man who keeps my sweet tooth alive. I see the man who takes on projects without question  I see the man who support my DIY I see the man sitting on a swing with me I see the man who sees my pain  I see the man who understands my heart I love the man who cares more than I could ever dream  I love the man who accepts my story  I love the man who challenges my words I love the man who  supports me and my crazy job dreams I need the man who helps me throw away the mask  I need the man who helps me be a better mom I need the man who provides balance  I need the man who allows me to br...
Post a Comment
Read more

Now and then 5-31-24

 To Jason,  Two years ago I met an amazing man.  The nerves almost got me, but I’ll continue to hold onto your belt loop.  I’ll hold your hand, hold onto our love., and hold onto the future of us.   Happy 2 year anniversary!   With love, Your Honey Bee Now and Then Now I see what I needed Now i see what I’m worth Now I see  how I matter Now is when I see what you saw Now is when I believe in myself  Now is when I learn  value Now is how I have grown Now is how I see joy in life Now is how I try to love others Then is when I was scared Then is when I survived  Then is when I didn’t know my future Then is what I don’t want to be  Then is what I learned from  Then is what I struggled with  Then is who I had to be  Then is who I was with a mask Then is who I was -unimportant  With you I am ok With you I am loved With you I am accepted  With you I found love and protection With you I found joy and coura...
Post a Comment
Read more

One Year 5-31-23

 One year One year ago my world was different, I saw sorrow, aloneness, and sadness. I saw a world without joy wearing a mask of  smiles.   I saw my worth as a people pleaser. I saw myself as fat, ugly, and unworthy. I saw what the world saw a piece of trash thrown out by everyone else. I put on a mask of joy laughter and smiles. I wore the mask a a best friend when needed. I wore other’s expectations and never  achieved my real goals. I took a chance on dating. I had been hurt so much that I expected sorrow, lies, and users. I expected to be nothing to them.   I knew they would throw me away. I met a man who didn’t fit my normal.   He stepped out of his world to see me at a country park.   He made me feel special.   He made me feel heard.  He made me want to be better.   He got rid of the mask.   He found the woman hiding inside.  He tells her to slow down, offers help, and understands my str...
Post a Comment
Read more

Control of my heart 9-28-22

 Control of my heart Control is a battle  Where does your power end and another’s begin? Control is protection  How do you keep from being let down? Control is not knowing What does the future hold? Control is damaging  Who do you hurt by harsh words or closed hearts? Control is a mirage The picture is pretty but don’t look inside. Control is how I’ve protected me. I don’t know how to break through that shield of protection without getting cut to pieces. My heart is big and damaged.  It sees love and doesn’t see its worth . My heart is weak and needs strength. The strength of truth and understanding heal me. My heart is healing, with patience I will lose the need for control. Thoughts after writing this… With these words I wonder how do I move forward.  Two steps forward three steps back, and the tears make me feel lost/weak.  Am I worth others?  Am I important?  How do I recognize my worth all the time?
Post a Comment
Read more

Swimming 11-9-22

 Swimming in a sea of white Can’t see to the light Lost and sad at once Blah and directionless  The world is hiding from me,  Why won’t this doubt let me be. I’m sitting in solitude  Wondering where is my awesome attitude  Reaching out is hard, People will think I’m imperfect and marred Do I go here or there Where oh where Okay is said, But I doubt it as I lay in bed Thoughts ramble and go I just want to shoot forward with my bow The past haunts And I hear my doubters taunts Here and there I’m lost everywhere 
Post a Comment
Read more

Nothing 8-28-22

 Nothing  Nothing to worry about  Nothing but peace Nothing to doubt Nothing but belief in me Nothing to see Nothing I can’t achieve  Nothing to become  Nothing but me Nothing is okay  Nothing is growth Nothing but hope Nothing but stars to reach Nothing is given  Nothing is ever given Nothing is a step to acceptance  Nothing is a step to love Nothing is a part of my journey  Nothing is celebrating my journey  I am more than nothing, I am Amazing, I am encouraging, I am dreaming, I am loving, I am achieving.
Post a Comment
Read more

New 8-26-23

 New New is scary  It is a part of growth  New is seeing myself  It is recognizing my worth New is facing my struggles  It is learning to not say next and run New is grieving  New is celebrating the memories  New is knowing God has a plan New is trusting that plan New is acknowledging love New is being worthy and open to love New is worth my struggle through the old  tears. New is seeing how I’ve changed and celebrating my foundation in love, respect, hard work, and education. Thank you God for each new, I am given and will be given in the future.
Post a Comment
Read more